he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
