Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
