oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
Randomize
