I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Randomize
