His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
