I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
