I have demons in me.
Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
