i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Randomize