In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
your profile still reads that you like women...interesting? I think there is some photography and video that will show otherwise
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Randomize
