Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
