If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
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