Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
