Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
