Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Randomize
