It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
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