My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
