my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
