That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Randomize
