I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
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