So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
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