u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
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