I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
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