dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize
