You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Randomize
