mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
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