how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
Acid is not a monday night drug
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
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