Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
