I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
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