why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Randomize
