Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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