He asked to "fluff my boner.."
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
True college students do jello shots in the library
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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