Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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