he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
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