it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
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