I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
