wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
Randomize
