Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
