textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Randomize
