You smell like stripper and shame
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
