then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
