I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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