She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
