I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize
