the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Randomize
