I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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