you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
Randomize
