i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Randomize
