I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
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