Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
We were destined to go to rehab together
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
Randomize
