I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
