WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
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