I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize
