Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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