He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
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