Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
Randomize
