if you like me you must not know who I am
the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
