if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Randomize
