So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
Randomize
