How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
