the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
Randomize
