Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
