After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Randomize
