Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Randomize
