I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
Randomize
