brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Randomize
