Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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