She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
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