so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
23 People Reveal The Worst Culture Shock They’ve Ever Experienced While Traveling
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
27 People Confess Their Proudest Fap
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you