DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
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I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
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Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail