He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Randomize
