I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
