I need to stop coming to work sober
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
Randomize
