His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
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