i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
of course. lets lasso hookers.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
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