Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
I just forgot I was standing up.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize
