Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
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