Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Randomize
