my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize