Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
