he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Randomize
