Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
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