just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
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