i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
50% drunk capacity currently
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
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