you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
you are never too drunk for berry picking
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Randomize
