I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Randomize
